The thing I most love in this world is my little family. I feel so
blessed.
blessed.
My husband Brian is really my prince in lightly scuffed
armor. He is my rock and foundation.
armor. He is my rock and foundation.
Owen and Scarlett, well,
we all know how much we love our children, really
no words.
we all know how much we love our children, really
no words.
Above, my awesome adventurous parents.
AND my loyal and comedic brother
AND my loyal and comedic brother
Even with all the blessings in my life, I have found myself struggling. Struggling to find some balance and sense of purpose. Being a mother is rewarding on a daily basis, but it is also exhausting. It has taken almost all of "me" especially since I hung up my lawyer hat and started being a full time mom over 1 1/2 years ago. Since staying at home, I have discovered new joys. I enjoy the outdoors daily, I have gotten in the best shape in my life, I eat healthier, and I have made some really really amazing friends. I have also gotten to know my children on a much deeper level. I know my children's rythmn. I know what they need and when they need it. I have actually became so emmeshed with them, that somewhere along the way, I lost myself in them and their needs. There were days, days upon days, that I never sat down and relaxed and never even looked at myself, not just in the mirror.
Now, I don't want to sound self righteous. I know very well that stay at home moms have to work very hard and are not entitled to skip off to the spa every day. I feel like I have to preface my struggles with that for some reason. But after 33 years of striving to be princess perfect (yes, this was a term in my brain that dictated all my actions), staying at home and taking care of my children finally forced me to look at myself. I didn't have the tennis match, the math test, the sorority event, the speech, the law school final, the next party, the next outfit, or the legal brief to obsess about. It was me and my kids and all the baggage that I never dealt with.
While the kids were and are a full time job, there is something about the lack of "me" purpose that caused me to stumble. Lets just say that sometime in July, I felt like I was literally "drowning." Drowning from anxiety, self-doubt, and lack of direction. Ok, time to do something because I am really not breathing under this water people. So, I began a journey toward finding out who I Really am, rather than who I always thought I should be. First and imperative task, a little self-care.
So far, I have realized that I need at least 9 minutes a day to myself. I love reading girly fiction and taking steaming hot baths. I have done many design projects in my house. I have taken up sewing (don't really love sewing but it something). I have starting teaching spinning at the YMCA, which I love. I love spending time working out with my friends at our local YMCA. The moms I have met since staying at home are wine for my soul. Things I want to do this year, some more design projects, get certified in Zumba, and get some, but not a lot, of contract legal projects.
Somehow, when I started taking care of myself again, I started to enjoy life a little more. I took the time to play with my kids on the floor and really enjoy it. I wasn't always obsessing for the next "something," rather, I have stayed in the moment and been a lot more grateful.
I have always wanted to start a blog. I didn't know if it would be about design, a healthy lifestyle, my kids, or my personal journey as a mother. I just could not decide. So, I decided to a little of all of it. There are so many blogs out there, that it is intimidating to start a blog. You pretty much know that what you have to offer is already out there. But, I finally said to heck with it, I want to have a forum to express myself. Maybe I missed the boat on the best DIY design blog, or the best mom blog because there are already 15,000 of each of those. At the very least, this is a personal journal of my life. At most, I might write some interesting things that inspire or help people find a piece of serenity in their lives.